July: Frost, Snow and Anniversaries in Australia

I knew it was coming, I knew. I knew in June, that the end of July was inevitable. Yet, it seemed so far away. To my horror, as I was pretending to be a domestic goddess, organizing my child’s schedule, I uncovered that the anniversary was taking place this week. The date that everything changed. The date that would determine whether I lived or died…Whether I would walk again; drink water again, eat food again, fall pregnant or have a difficult time. Whether I would be in agony every moment (wakeful or sleeping), for the rest of my life. Whether I could drive long distances, sit for over an hour, use catheters or not, have scores of operations, with more to come. Whether I would need to have two surgeries at seventeen to save my life, my heart held in someones hand, my chest opened up. Then to be flipped over, after having floating ribs sewn off, to replace my back bone. To save my life. This was the date that would determine all that and much more. Whether I would have the mettle to survive at all. To sustain in the face of nightmares and torment.


Can you believe that I have met my twin?! I stumbled upon this person’s blog a week ago. The anniversary of his being thrown from a height as a young person is in July. He is still affected by phone calls and door bells ringing. He said “I thought I was the only one!” He completed the quiz I put on my site to find out what your hippie name is. He got Flower, the same as me! The thrill of recognition-the regret and sorrow too- that somebody else understands what you felt that night. Somebody knows what it is like to hit the ground… I love this person, though I haven’t met them. What a privilege in the midst of a strange, disorderly life. Here’s to all survivors. It is a lonely path at times. I am glad not many in our circle can identify with this particular angst. I hold a pool of tears if you can.


On the anniversary, I will hold my daughter, and partake in what was denied me, so many years ago. I will have a bath with aromatic oils, a broad-rimmed Italian glass in hand. In it shall be red wine, the hue of ground garnets. I will eat a hearty meal, slip into the covers of my bed in my warm room, and be thankful I am here. That bitter winter’s night, I was covered in dirt and blood, cast aside in a dark night of the soul and body. I was hungry, and in agony. I was thirsty and alone. I am still in agony, but the darkness has been bludgeoned by light. The loneliness by friendship. The thirst and hunger have been quenched and I am warm. The blood and dirt have been cleaned away, and what remains is a woman who is frightened no more. The worst has happened. It is done. I survived. More than that, I am flourishing.


6 thoughts on “July: Frost, Snow and Anniversaries in Australia

Add yours

  1. The anniversary of these things, I like to forget. My anniversary of my unfortunate friendship is also this month, oddly enough, but the date…. I just know it was after July 4th. Only I try to ignore what summer means… Maybe I should try to give myself joy that it’s over and I’m living a pretty decent life!


Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

A WordPress.com Website.

Up ↑


Your Brain is a Radio that Does What its Told


art. popular since 10,000 BC

Mind Over Mood

Mental Health Advocate and Coach | Mental Health Support

I invite you to a wild, iconoclastic, intellectual ride - the likes of which you've never experienced before.

Read my short novel - Existential Tableau - and you just might find the answers/inspiration you're looking for.

Ms Frugal Ears 小氣耳朵

A frugaleer building abundance through the sweet and simple life – building abundance one dollar at a time

Inspiration and ideas on creating your dream life

Personal Development, Beauty, Style and general well-being

Emma Kelty

because life is too short to be anything else....

Kids, Cancer & Other Fun Stuff

My Life , My Kids, My Cancer - Uncut and Unsensored

Healing Hands Farm

Adoption and Reactive Attachment Disorder

Cinema Australia

Dedicated to the support and promotion of Australian made films through independent news, reviews, features and interviews.

madukovich's cogitations

Ignorance Is Bliss

wild joyful parenting!

...and free-range kids

Before that last Breath

Living my Truth ... One breath at a time

The Bipolar Writer

James Edgar Skye


Helping others deal with MS and Chronic Pain

Girl Empowered

Sensible school combined with heart led personal development for tweens and teens.

Care, Bliss and the Universe

Life, the Universe and Yourself

%d bloggers like this: