Letting Go and the Art of Surrendering

11078041_941590055874840_530196003_n

I have always had a will of iron. I had to take control at a young age. Had to learn to eat and drink again. Had to learn how to walk. Had to rebuild the strength in my body, mind and soul. I hit all my targets. The same applied when I started correspondence school. Whatever I focused on, came to be. When I went out into the world at eighteen, I had huge dreams, and expected them to all come true, and in the allotted time. I was going to be a published author in my twenties, have several kids, a big rambling house and a strong body. As time passed, I saw the vision become clouded, as though someone had smeared petroleum jelly onto the camera lens. Instead of a tribe of kids, there was infertility. Rather than my body getting stronger, I slipped and fell, breaking my spine again. Instead of a large rambling house, there was a string of dodgy rental properties. Instead of peace there was turmoil. There were times when I lived on potatoes for a week, times when I had to walk miles home. Life was reduced to survival. The dreams refused to die, but they were tempered. The shoots dared to rear up from the soil. Spindly little things, they were, and I feared a downpour would flatten them. My saving grace was the removal of a time frame. Letting go of control. Having a tight schedule and discipline saved me as a teen. It wouldn’t work now. I was down on my knees as infertility and pain and uncertainty pounded me. I was pummelled. “I surrender!” I screamed.

10751534_855904967776683_31237554_n

As soon as I uttered those words, the kaleidoscope in my hands turned, and a beautiful geometrical pattern took shape. Everything about it was different to what I had stubbornly cleaved to. The colours were somehow more vibrant. Perhaps, it was a portent of things to come. I didn’t want the next decade to be remembered by a series of operations, disappointments and scars. As I was admitted to hospital yet again, I had to believe that this provided another step  to where I wanted to be. I had to surrender all control, yet hold onto the kernel of my dreams. They had after all, given me the fuel to keep going. Life is very different to where I thought I would be at this age and in this year. Yet as I reflect on the friends I have met, the miraculous daughter I birthed, the fact I am still able to walk, and am a published author, I can see it is damned near perfect. It is hard to surrender control. It is hard to accept that the vision has evolved and changed. It is scary. When you hit a target after the storm has pummelled your home, it tastes that much sweeter. Don’t give up! Don’t you ever give up.

Advertisements

9 thoughts on “Letting Go and the Art of Surrendering

Add yours

  1. So true… after all, how much control do we really have? Right from the start, we have no control over the circumstances into which we are born and so it continues. Many people have the false belief that they can totally control their lives. They think that if they just “follow the rules” or “do all the right things” that they will rightfully receive what they set out to achieve. But the greater force of “life” has no rules; often “no rhyme, no reason”. Life just IS. Surrendering to it is a good lesson and can give one a new sense of freedom.
    I really like your philosophy, Raphaela, that one can surrender one’s control without giving up on one’s dreams.
    A great post and I am so thrilled that some of your dreams are coming to fruition even though you have travelled an unexpected path! xxx

    Like

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

w

Connecting to %s

A WordPress.com Website.

Up ↑

DENTAL IMPLANTS CARE

Nepean Dental Implants, Australia

PATRICK STORIES

Make PEACE ✌ Show LOVE❤

The Go to Girl

Life as we experience it

MYMonkey MIND ( MYMM)

Your Brain is a Radio that Does What its Told

irevuo

art. popular since 10,000 BC

Mind Over Mood

Mental Health Advocate and Coach & Mental Health Support

I invite you to read my short novel below.

May the novel bring you inspiration in your daily ruminations.

Ms Frugal Ears 小氣耳朵

A frugaleer building abundance through the sweet and simple life – building abundance one dollar at a time

Inspiration and ideas on creating your dream life

Personal Development, Beauty, Style and general well-being

Emma Kelty

because life is too short to be anything else....

Kids, Cancer & Other Fun Stuff

My Life , My Kids, My Cancer - Uncut and Unsensored

Healing Hands Farm

Adoption and Reactive Attachment Disorder

Cinema Australia

Dedicated to the support and promotion of Australian made films through independent news, reviews, features and interviews.

madukovich's cogitations

Ignorance Is Bliss

wild joyful parenting!

...and free-range kids

Before that last Breath

Living my Truth ... One breath at a time

The Bipolar Writer

James Edgar Skye

%d bloggers like this: