Please Hold On


Last night, I noticed a message from a fellow blogger. She implored our community to send comments of support and love to a woman she didn’t know, but was terribly worried about. I went to the blog she was referring to and saw a photo of a gorgeous young woman. Her dark tendrils of hair and the faraway look in her eyes were reminiscent of a model from a Raphael painting. She wrote about being battle-weary, of finding comfort in the notion that she may quietly slip away. She was saying goodbye. Many people were concerned about this stranger. We need her in this world! Messages of love and support were sent. Please hold on. I have been there, sweetheart. I know how it feels to be done with this world and all the anguish contained therein. I wanted to fall asleep forever. I thought that my life would have to expire in order to slay the demons slowly killing me. I never imagined turning eighteen, let alone thirty! My attempts (plural), were executed with the help of a medical manual and many prescription pills. I had to be resuscitated, was in ICU, and in coma’s. Nobody was more surprised than I to awake. It took a long time to feel thankful that I hadn’t succumbed. Before these attempts, I could see beauty. It was presented outside of my realm. In music, art, other people and their pretty lives. It seemed inaccessible to me. I know what you felt last night, for I have felt it too. You get to a point where you feel like you are committing an act of mercy, by setting those you love free of witnessing the torment you have been facing. Setting them free to start anew. That is scary territory; when you believe that you staying is worse for your loved ones than you leaving. I am so proud of this young woman, for telling us what she was feeling and why. That took enormous courage. We were strangers at the beginning of the night, and by the time dusk had smeared the sky with cinnamon-hued light, we knew you.

Many years have passed since I last woke in Intensive Care, furious that I had been saved. Many years have passed since I felt I had no place in this world. My days are filled with wonder and mirth. I laugh at the silliness of some of my encounters. Others have me weeping in the shower. I wouldn’t have wanted to miss any of it. My daughter growing, having a beloved colony of guinea pigs, meeting friends by the river, riding buses with groomed elderly ladies, seeing in another year… The list goes on and on. There will come a day sweetheart, when you shall be glad that you are here too. Keep talking and please keep writing. Life won’t be filled with darkness forever. It is merely the background for the painter. They shall fill it with stars and swirls of blue. You will be in the foreground, in all your Raphaelite beauty.

Stephen Fry sent this response to a young lady who had reached the end of her ability to cope.



22 thoughts on “Please Hold On

  1. This post makes me so proud- to see the awesome community we have on WordPress and the good it is doing. As people share their stories honestly, as you have here, we can take courage and have faith that things will get better. It helped me heaps to read what it is like when a person wants to attempt suicide- I have tried so hard to understand my cousin Lachlan and my friend Becky’s actions and also another friend who, thankfully, has been unsuccessful in her attempts. Thank-you so much for sharing and for the hope your story brings.

    Liked by 1 person

    • I am so sorry that you have lost loved ones. Our beautiful Erika Kind posted that she was terribly worried about this young woman the other night. Sometimes our experiences seem to have no meaning, and I think the blessing is when we can share what we have been through to assure others that they aren’t alone. There is relief when we know that somebody else has been there. xxx

      Liked by 1 person

  2. Thank you for your touching post and for reaching out to this young woman in pain. I’m sure your words meant a great deal to her, knowing that you understand where she is in her path through life. Thank you for taking time to share hope and healing with her and to remind her that the art of our lives isn’t done yet. Thank you for shining bright in this world – I’m so honored to have met you on our blogging journeys. – Many blessings, Sarah

    Liked by 2 people

  3. Thanks for sharing your soul and history with us. This young lady, I hope, is starting on a better path and will find the care she needs. I am grateful to read your words of wisdom. We all matter, although there are times when we feel we don’t. Best wishes to you, Keith

    Liked by 1 person

  4. Raphaela, that was one of the most heartfelt posts ever!!! You touched me to tears! I will reblog your post in order to share the love, understanding, compasion, and support that is provided within our wonderful community. Your have such a big heart 💖


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