Back Pain Sometimes isn’t Transient

My first surgeon informed me that I would be left in agony, over twenty years ago. Sitting would apparently cause me to weep after an hour, as would standing. Pretty much anything other than laying down would bring me to my knees. Sharp shards of bone, as well as metal artifacts are piercing into my spinal canal, causing a 50% reduction in the vital space. Despite this, I managed a pregnancy, and raising my daughter. I have traveled and have a demanding schedule every day. That surgeon was right; it does bring me to my knees.

I had to do a grocery shop the other day, and found my spine seizing up. There I was, draped over my trolley, groaning. My daughter didn’t bat an eyelid. She just asked what we needed and went to get it. She then loaded the bags into the trolley after I paid. I crawled into bed, and she made me toast for dinner. I lay there for fourteen hours, until I became concerned about the load on my kidneys and knew I had to catheterize.

The next morning was comical. I have a portable TENS Machine, which has proven to be gold. To my dismay, I couldn’t find it! I was rummaging through every drawer in the house in desperation. I finally sourced it, only to find the battery was dead! I could have cried. We had to go down the street to get a new battery. I had applied heat to my back, and a magical ointment, taken three different medications and put on my back brace before leaving home.

These are the things I adore. They make a real difference in my life. I have spent an obscene amount of money on things which have promised to relieve my back pain. I have done the magnets and fancy exercise equipment, the oils and potions. The tools below actually help. The degree to which they assist, depends on the day and the obscenity of the pain.


A blessing in a hot bath at night.


This was recommended to me by a scientist friend after I fell over and broke my back again six years ago. It can even be used on fracture sites.

IMG_7754 IMG_7755

My portable TENS machine is my saving grace when out and about.


Heat Pack. Needed throughout all the seasons!

I sometimes relay the severity of the pain and aftermath to people. I want to convey that I am not avoiding anyone, nor have I been in the space to answer messages, etc. It does irritate when people say that they hope I feel better soon. Honey, I am not going to feel better soon! I have pieces of bone and metal, similar to knife blades, sticking into my spinal canal! My fused spine is disintegrating, as are the grafts. It isn’t going to get better. I have accepted that. May I ask that you love me instead. Come over and have a cup of tea with me. Pour me a wine and commiserate. I don’t have a cold, which can be overcome.

I almost kissed the lady in our local bargain store, who upon viewing the little battery from my TENS machine, assured me they had one in stock. The relief! So I continue, as we all do. Broken yet somehow whole. Small and yet ever so tall.

16 thoughts on “Back Pain Sometimes isn’t Transient

  1. Br Celano aka Br Andrew it takes a lot of courage, my wife and I both live with chronic pain mine pales into insignificance when I read of yours but Jessica also has huge steel screws in her legs and pelvis with an artificial hip that has been broken once and a delaminated cervical spine that has gone wrong, and a broken back,she has to live on oxycontin yet lives a full life because like you there is no point in not doing so and it isn’t going to go away.Her broken back has put her into a wheelchair since 2008 when everything just caught up with her. Sorry to bother you with our problems.


    • I am so sorry to hear of your and dear Jessica’s pain. What a courageous lady you have there. Please don’t apologise for sharing what you are both enduring. We are a village and need to share with each other. X

      Liked by 1 person

  2. I totally agree with Robert! You are such a role model to show that there is more in life to live for and not let us be controlled by one (when even massive) issue. Your challenge is massive and that is why your attitude is so meaningful!!!

    Liked by 1 person

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