It’s a Wonderful Life (with a touch of melancholy thrown in).

Bright and Happy To Do List.
Bright and Happy To Do List.

I have been hit by melancholy, a low-grade depression. It has been skulking up on me, playing the old and tired game of shadowing. I feel a tap on my shoulder, turn around, and find nothing. It walks so closely that it mimics my moves. It starts with feeling overwhelmed. Seeing what needs to be done, but with no idea where to start or how to fit it all into a day. More caffeine is drank, and less sleep is had. My hands shake. I worry if I am loved, if I do enough, if I am enough. I look for assurance and guarantees. The fragility builds upon itself, like particles of sand atop each other. Seemingly compact, though at risk of caving in at any moment. So many changes shall be taking place next year, and my child will need me to strong. She will also need to see tears and vulnerability. She needs me to show her how to do feelings. Perhaps that is one of the issues. We almost become disassociated shells as we go about our day. Never checking in with our minds and hearts, perusing our to-do lists. It’s funny what you let slide when melancholy hits. You cease to exercise, eat regularly, drink water, take your tonics, meditate, stop. You cease to contact friends and plan adventures. All the stuff you actually require. I know what my triggers are, and I know what to do to feel better.

A very brave friend has shown me  you are allowed to say when you need to retreat, and bow out on a particular day. After all, you have some inner filing to sort. She also showed me how to reach out in a meaningful way, to suggest a dinner or movie. She showed me how to make overtures of friendship without fear of rejection. She is doing some major work, eating well and taking time for herself. She is glowing. I want to glow too. I first heard the song, It’s a Wonderful Life by Black a week before I was abducted. I loved the melancholic overtone running through the hope in the undertone. They created the perfect song with the perfect video clip. It is a wonderful life… I really am of an age where experience has shown me that melancholy doesn’t  jump me in a dark alley. Events and comments and the world and the news shadow us all, and we need to consistently dive into our tool kit. I just enquired of myself what might be needed this afternoon. I am going to make a pot of green tea, a salad wrap, sit outside for five minutes, and eat freshly baked lavender scones this afternoon. That is what I shall do.

Advertisements

6 thoughts on “It’s a Wonderful Life (with a touch of melancholy thrown in).

Add yours

  1. Lovely post & just what I needed tonight! The video beautifully captures our human reality, the bright sadness, the happy melancholy that are all a part of life. This is blogging at its best, thank you for reminding us that we are not alone.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. This is so beautifully written Raphie. Always know that it’s okay to take time out for yourself to get back in touch with all those things that make you, you! Vulnerability is beautiful – and you’re so spot on about how we kind of walk around like empty beings, shells of the people that we really are; all so wrapped up in being perpetually busy. xx

    Like

    1. Oh I love you! Its funny how it is a tremendous surprise when we feel lousy. Then you think, hmmm, I haven’t eaten anything today and have had four cups of coffee and haven’t even taken a deep breath. Kindness has to start with ourselves. xxx

      Like

      1. Much love for you too! It’s definitely funny – how we can forget to do such basic things like eat and drink or take a breath, yet we can remember to do the 400 incredibly complex tasks we all list out for ourselves on our internal to-do lists each day! So agree – kindness definitely starts with us xx

        Like

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

A WordPress.com Website.

Up ↑

Fightmsdaily

Fight the pain of MS and other chronic illnesses! Find the strength within to remain positive! Spending time with loved ones, traveling, good books and great music is the key to a happy life!

Life with an Illness

*Tips and tricks on how to get through life when you have a chronic illness*

Her Unusual Journey

The life of a not so ordinary college girl

Philippa Scholz

Vegan. Zero Waste. Chats. Travel. Minimalism.

Ted Geier In So, So Many Words

... and they keep on coming

travsd.wordpress.com/

Being a blog for the observations of actor, author, comedian, critic, director, humorist, journalist, master of ceremonies, performance artist, playwright, producer, publicist, public speaker, songwriter, and variety booker Trav S.D.

words for rejuvenate

words for rejuvenate

Sai Raj Krishna

Because, every moment of life is a story worth living and sharing!! 😊

Evan Sandhoefner

philosophy, data, software, musings

Suman D. Freelancer

SEO | Social Media | Blog | News | Entertainment | Travel | Fashion | Law | Transport and other More!

Brainpan Studio

Simplifying Complexity

Boho.Blog

Bohemian Stuff

Human Life Run

Mistakes Are Reality Of Life

SV3DPRINTER

Next Big Tech field 3D Printing is, " The Top Brain Game"

TANYA TALES

Where Imagination Makes The Impossible Possible

%d bloggers like this: