If I Had my Time Over…

September 20, 2015 raphaela999 Comments

I would tell my younger self to hold on tight. As a teen, I had to fight to retain my sanity, my heart and my life. I refused to put up with nonsense, nor manipulation. I would walk away, and if I couldn’t leave, I would fight. Fight for the right to live my life in the way it was ordained by the moon and stars before I had even arrived. When one is having continual operations and intensive periods of rehabilitation from such surgery; when one can’t work because of the above, you find yourself vulnerable. Grateful that people are willing to chat briefly to you, grateful for a lift or an invitation to dinner. My boundaries were blurred and I was overwhelmed by any crumb of kindness shown me. I would say to that girl, ‘honey, you can trust your instincts. You have a right to leave any form of cruelty, and run from any lack of empathy. It isn’t worth the pain you will suffer by staying. Trust your first impressions, and measure the benevolence or otherwise in a person’s conversation. It’s laid bare on the table, and your ears aren’t deceiving you. Years of your precious life will be squandered on trying to understand the intricacies of toxicity if you don’t run.’

Groups will be disbanded, and you will move in new circles. People not meant to be in your life will leave, not before offering a few sharp scratches to your already scarred psyche. As you grow older, you will tolerate less nonsense, and savour the real people. Those who weep with you, hold your hand, laugh with you and are present. They want your company for no other reason than that they celebrate you. No masks required.

I wish I could erase the memory of the walking wounded who caused you more pain. I wish you had turned away, no explanation needed nor offered. You didn’t, and its okay. You have resurrected that teenager, the one who was selective about who received the key to her inner world. You have given out multiple copies of the skeleton key. Happily, those who have received this gift unconditionally love you. There is no more hurt to be had. You have yourself, first and foremost. You can love the whole world, without letting it all inside the inner sanctum. Some will appreciate the chandelier, the candles, the frankincense oil, the violet walls, the poetry and art, whilst others would only try to disassemble the sanctuary. Careful with yourself, young woman. You have to firstly love yourself in a manner that will then mirror how others love you. You have yourself forever.

30 Day Challenge, Day 22. A picture of what you wore today.

August 25, 2015August 28, 2015 raphaela992 Comments

I was doing a talk in the evening for The Development Effect . You can’t go wrong with a black dress and a foil jacket!

30 Day Challenge. Day 3-Your Day in Great Detail

August 12, 2015August 13, 2015 raphaela993 Comments

I woke at 5am, and made myself a cup of coffee. I am still on instant. Who has time for coffee machines to do their thing? My activity stirred the guinea pigs, who began squeaking for breakfast, shortly followed by the birds. When munchkin got up, she had her usual soy rashers in olive oil (she calls then not-bacon). She then made herself a hard-boiled egg in our Eggo, a little machine that tweets when the egg is done! We were at the bus stop by 7am, in perfect time for the express service. Our train was waiting at the station, so our travel was seamless. It is a rare thing! My daughter was going to do a puppet workshop, with a renowned puppeteer and ceramic teacher from the UK. We were early, so I went in search of refreshments and we happened across a Les Mis costume exhibition!

Cossette's Wedding Dress — Cossette’s Wedding Dress

It is my daughter’s birthday soon, and she found herself the perfect gift in Mozi, a Melbourne designer’s store. It was a dear little tent. She wants to set it up with soft toys and cushions. Every kid needs a fort and the lady gave us 10% off as it was floor stock! My daughter attended the four hour workshop with the dear fellow and his wife from the UK. They quite often teach adults the act of puppet-making, and expressed sorrow that many grown-ups find it difficult to use their imaginations to make up a storyline. They came prepared with old plastic bottles, which became the puppet heads. They had already done the foundation, so the kids could begin painting. The children had a ball working together on a storyline, which they presented to us.

Afterward, we went back to the shops, and I bought my daughter some educational games. I then had the best peppermint tea of my life!

On our way to the station, we met a tame cockatoo. He was the dearest little thing. He came right up to my daughter! I was too enamoured by the scene to take a photo. We reluctantly left him to get to the platform. To our astonishment, he followed us! I had visions of him hopping onto my shoulder and catching the train home with us, but his friend flew down and coaxed him away. It was a glorious day! My spine was extremely painful, to the point I feared I may pass out from the pain. Fortunately I didn’t! In those times, I fly away from this body, and absorb myself in the sights, sounds and experience around me. It helps if those things are beautiful!

Magnanimity

August 6, 2015August 6, 2015 raphaela9916 Comments

My wonderful friend, Swamiyesudas has just posted a piece about kindness over on his blog, urging everyone to perform an act of kindness each day. Imagine the ripple effect! My child never ceases to amaze me with her understanding of kindness. A few weeks ago, a little friend of hers had to have some medical tests. She was concerned about her friend, and wanted to go along for support. We were just about to leave the house to go meet them when my daughter turned around and ran into her room. She came out with her beloved bulldog, made at a soft-toy party a few years ago. She gave it to her little friend, and the joy exuding from both of them lit up the train carriage as we made our way into the city. Her friend had found a light sabre on their last playdate, and gave it to my daughter to keep. My kid hadn’t forgotten her kindness. It is hard to describe how ecstatic my daughter was when we bumped into her friend at the shops a few days later. There she was, clutching the bulldog. “She loves him!” my daughter exclaimed. “Yes, she certainly does!” I smiled.

Last weekend, I took her into the city. There were hoards of people around as we strolled through Haymarket, and I grabbed a hold of her hand. Suddenly, she paused. She retrieved the pocket-money from her purse and went over to a man sitting on the ground. He had two little dogs next to him, and was strumming The Beatles’ Blackbird on his guitar. She gave him everything in her purse. He looked up and smiled, tears in his eyes. As we continued walking, she said, “mum, I have a tingle all over. Giving feels wonderful doesn’t it?” Yes it does darling, yes it does. A child noticed a homeless man and his little dogs. I hope that he does indeed take his broken wings and learn to fly.

As we walked through Darling Quarter, we came across a table filled with exquisite paper flowers. A lady smiled at my daughter, and handed her one. I took an information card. They were giving away flowers in honour of Esther Day. Esther was sixteen when she died, and her wish was for people to spread love to others. She would be proud of these beautiful people, I am sure. Kindness is given and received, in an endless cycle of magnanimity.

The next day we met a grand elderly lady called Anna at the bus stop. I told her that I had been admiring her colourful way of dressing for the longest while, and had been meaning to tell her. She would board the bus smiling, her slight figure clothed in emerald, sapphire and ruby-red hats and coats. We got into a conversation, and she told us that she volunteered at our local palliative care ward, sitting with loved ones, offering cups of tea and comfort. My little girl was regaled by her stories, and sat with her the whole bus trip, Anna’s arm around her. Kindness goes around in an endless cycle of magnanimity…

To learn more about Esther Day and many other inspiring projects, check out The Deluminators

Siren Empire

August 4, 2015 raphaela998 Comments

Siren Empire is a fabulous website that has gone live this past weekend, and I am thrilled to have been one of its writers. The editor is a visionary, and it has been a thrill to see the site spring to life. I have interviewed some amazingly colourful, vibrant and inspiring characters, and hope to do more profiles in the future. Here is a link to information about me.

Check out the inspirational Alessandro

Here is a piece about a dear friend of mine, who has made me lose any fear of aging, Dawn

Siren Empire is a wondrous mixture of colour, art, ideas, life and inspiring people. Check out the entire site!

The Rose Fairy

July 28, 2015July 28, 2015 raphaela9913 Comments

I wrote this when I was a little girl, and found it in a folder. I thought I would share it with you! I do love fairies!

The Rose Fairy
The soft morn’ dew settled on the grass,
Amid delighted laughs.
The sun rose in the sky above,
As the fairies had their bath.

Her face was little as a sliver of zest,
Her rose-red hair did flow.
Her lips scarlet as a robin’s chest.
The petals in her little hand would fell wherever she’d go.

I stumbled across her clear one day,
Whilst strolling through your garden.
She squeaked with fright when she saw me,
I said, “I beg your pardon.”

She giggled, “My name’s Mary-Bell, but you can call me Mary.
This is my home, roses I own, for I am their own rose fairy.”

Wedding Expos and Cults

July 18, 2015 raphaela996 Comments

A friend had a stand at a wedding expo and asked if I could give her a hand. Now I know nothing about wedding expos, other than that they have never been my cup of tea. I can’t even stand trying on clothes or shoes before buying them! My idea of a heavenly wedding would be to grab a colourful dress and shoes, and quickly organize flowers and a bespoke cake and voila! My friend is a baker and makes the most beautiful cakes imaginable. Rather than using fondant, she uses organic and locally sourced produce, such as honey, berries and flowers. She makes her cakes affordable, and also does baked donuts, created with coconut oil.

I offered cake tastings to prospective brides and their families. I met scores of radiant couples, their parents and friends proudly by their sides. I thought it may be confronting, to see a way of being that I hadn’t experienced. Instead, it filled my heart. I am glad that some young women and men have this sense of belonging and security, I really am. There was only one occasion where I felt like pleading with the bloke to do a runner. “I plan on being the biggest bitch,” a bride smirked, promising to be a horror in the lead up to her wedding. Her mother laughed delightedly at the prospect.

I bumped into an old acquaintance and she asked if I had seen a mutual friend. “No, I haven’t,” I replied. “She became a real hermit,” the woman replied. “I think the disconnect was caused by the cult she belongs to… Remember all the crap they taught? She used to go to all their classes,” I said. I went into quite the diatribe about this silly cult with its silly teachings, and how I worried about this friend. The woman paused and then said quite sternly, “I still attend all their classes.” Oops! At least she wont be pushing their teachings onto me!

I have attended a wedding expo now. It wasn’t as grim as I feared. Far from it. I saw young women about to be married for the first time, and older ladies who had found their true love at last. It was a local expo, filled with local characters. Quite the organic day, really. It wasn’t about grandiose displays; rather the couples were seeking symbols to represent who they are as individuals and who they shall be when married. I wish them all well, particularly the fellow marrying the bridezilla!

What’s your Hippie Name?

July 16, 2015 raphaela9924 Comments

The wondrous Ritu put the call out to uncover your hippie name may be. Marvellous idea! I am Flower, in case you were wondering!

To find out your name, click here!

Abba, Lolo Lovina, Red Wine and Rainbows

June 28, 2015 raphaela997 Comments

The week that was…

My daughter played Titania in a Midsummer Nights Dream. She loved the experience and wants to do more acting! I was very proud of her.

I took my daughter to see Inside Out, a spectacular film, which addresses depression. It illustrates how a young person can break down and also be rebuilt. Afterward, we had a few chores to see to. As I walked through the shopping centre, I started to stumble. I had an horrific pain through my left foot, shooting up my leg and into my spine. This was annoying, as I usually have that sort of pain on my right side. There I was, holding onto a trolley, my daughter gently guiding both it and I. I met a friend, who saw that I was in agony. She had just been to the post office to pick up a box filled with wine from the Margaret River region. She handed me a bottle of red, of which I am immensely grateful. I managed to get home, poured myself a glass and lay down. New symptoms added to the mix shake things up. At least its a change to the pathways of pain!

11650654_985275598172952_392033220_n — Should I get a device that turns zucchini into spaghetti? Hang on, I have one but have never used it!

We went on a cruise around Sydney Harbor Friday night. My daughter loves Abba, and was delighted with the tribute band.

Here is an excellent article on the machinations of PTSD. I found myself nodding in agreement throughout.

Saturday night, we went to Marrickville Town hall, to a Masquerade Balkan Beats Ball. The divine Rroma Gypsy fusion band, Lolo Lovina got us all up dancing.

My daughter went for it on the dance floor, enthralled with the frantic beat and unencumbered joy. When life is rough and you are tired and in pain, my suggestion is get yourself along to a festival. Go for a walk. Shake up your world.

We saw a lot of rainbows on the internet, and it filled me with joy! Things can change and advance, yay!

Free Style Writing Challenge

June 18, 2015 raphaela995 Comments

The wondrous Josefine has nominated me for the Freestyle Writing Challenge.

The rules:

open a blank document
set a stop watch timer to 5 or 10 minutes, whichever length you prefer
your topic is at the foot of this post BUT DO NOT SCROLL DOWN TO SEE IT UNTIL YOU ARE READY WITH YOUR TIMER!!!
once you start writing do not stop until the alarm sounds!
do not cheat by going back and correcting spelling and grammar using spell check (it is only meant for you to reflect on your own control of sensible thought flow and for you to reflect on your ability to write with correct spelling and grammar.)
you may or may not pay attention to punctuation or capitals
at the end of your post write down the number of words to give an idea of how much you can write within the time Frame
put the whole document onto your post and nominate 5 others and give them a new topic. Remember to copy paste the rules in!

Milk.

Building bones and knitting cells, milk is a pure white food. It’s the stuff of cheeses and ice cream, milkshakes and cream. There is something about pouring it out of a milk jug and into my cup of tea that is contemplative, like having my own tea ceremony. Reinforcing our scaffolding, making us stronger. As delicate as a snowflake, as porous as a sponge.

63 Words in 5 minutes.

Should you wish to take part, I nominate you all!

The subject is rain.