Tests and Life

It was my friend’s funeral this week. My little girl sat beside me, holding my hand, and whispering, “I love you mummy.” Two funerals for two young mums is two too many. Life is an excruciating mystery. Would we dare open our hearts inviting others to view the contents if we knew we could lose each other at any moment? Would it make life more precious or less bearable?

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I was due to have a mammogram, and intended to do so. Life got busy, and I put it off. Then, I felt a lump. I had a few tests done the other day, including the mammogram. When the technician came back and said that the doctor wanted more images of one side, I felt some anxiety. I was there for a few hours, and you know what? It ultimately felt empowering. So much is out of our control, yet when a doctor advises you to have certain tests, it gives control back to you. I felt that my life was valued, and that I was honouring my daughter by having these tests. I wasn’t frightened. Rather, I knew I would cope if anything was found. Fortunately, the lumps turned out to be cysts. I will be monitored regularly, and I know how blessed I am. If you are putting off having tests, or burying your head in the sand concerning a worrying health issue, please don’t. Dealing with it is such a relief.

In the midst of all the sadness, there was the light of my child. We watched A Midsummer Nights Dream, as she is playing Titania in her drama class, and she made art and delighted in the novelty of finding a telephone booth at The Rocks.

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Life is such a funny thing. Heartbreaking, mystifying and everything in between. At the end, only the good stuff ends up on the cinematic reel of your life. I reckon it’s a bit like being presented with the big red book from ‘This is your Life.’ The pain and sickness, the suffering and strife dies. Your unencumbered spirit remains. That is what I like to think.

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11 thoughts on “Tests and Life

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  1. Yes, my Dear Raphaela, two funerals for two young moms would be too many indeed, for anybody and everybody.

    Glad Your mammogram showed up only cysts, (as if they are not bad enough). Anyway, it was not worse.

    As for ‘(only the) unencumbered spirit remains,’ so long are there are these Tests in Life, particularly in the life of my fellow human beings, in my life at least, BOTH the good and the sad things remain. And these last ones keep me fighting (for my fellow hb’s).

    Regards and Love.

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  2. As I get older, the very bad times find themselves being blocked out. I am certain they are being pushed out of my memory and being replaced by the many happy new ones. Perhaps it is my sub-conscious way of coping or perhaps my memory has only a finite storage space so let’s fill it up with good stuff! Throw out the old to make way for the good!
    Many hugs to you and Lizzie as you go through such sad times and more hugs for the good times that will return. xxxxxx

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Oh darling, I go down very quickly too. It’s like I am a stone being thrown into a pond at times! It’s the rising that’s important, and being extremely kind and nurturing to yourself. xxx

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  3. I’m sorry for your loss, losing people never gets easier, does it? I am however thrilled that the lumps are cysts (though cysts suck too and can cause problems I know)! I will keep you in my thoughts and prayers that everything stays that way!

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