A Picnic after the Storm.

September 14, 2015 raphaela9925 Comments

Ten months ago, a friend asked her doctor to be referred for a mammogram. She hadn’t felt a lump, and had no other symptoms. She wasn’t in the age bracket where they are offered free of charge. She knew she wouldn’t feel peace until she had undergone the screening. They found a lump, and within a week, she had undergone a mastectomy. She took her kids to school that morning, and myself and another friend held her hands as we walked her back to the car. She was going straight to hospital. I didn’t want to let her hand go. I would have given anything for her not to have to endure what was ahead. In the months ahead, she underwent a course of chemotherapy and then radiotherapy. It seemed like an endless night, and there were many days when she languished in bed, too spent to communicate. The day came when the treatment finished. It had begun swiftly and brutally, then one ordinary day she walked out the door after her last treatment and into daylight. An ordinary day for all but her. Changed forever. She offered me a lift to the train station on the way, and impatient drivers refused to make room for her to turn onto the road. She joked that she was going to lift her wig, and holler, something along the lines of “now, do ya think you could let me in?!” All these silly people, thinking that their time is so important. Unable to wait five seconds to let a good woman in. The storm changes you.

Her family arranged a surprise picnic to celebrate the end of her treatment. It was held on a thirty degree day in Spring, a slight breeze tempering the heat. Perfect. She walked up, crying. This is for you. We are assembled for you. We couldn’t step in for you on the days when the thought of more treatment seemed unbearable. We couldn’t take your discomfort away. We can do this. Your daughter’s made a glorious cake and cookies, and we enjoyed an Australian BBQ and salads. You got through it, sweetheart. The dark night of the soul has passed. Her message to others is to routinely check yourself. To have the necessary screenings, if only to put your mind at ease. It is harder to feel comfort in burying your head in the sand, when you have a friend that has saved her own life by not doing so. Cheers to you, my darling. I look forward to enjoying many more Australian picnics with you.

Camping, Frogs and Friendship

September 11, 2015 raphaela9910 Comments

Camp was amazing! I feel that I am not the same person who left home a week ago. Staying places by myself (albeit with child), is not something I have done much of, and certainly not so far away. It was mainly to do with safety, and gradually it was born of terror. Fear isn’t a strong enough word. What if something happened? What if I fell sick? I would be all alone. Can I rely on myself? The answer was that I could. We left early afternoon, and by the time we were an hour away, dusk was folding in. I had visions of driving around in the dark, unable to find the place! “Breathe though it,” I told myself. I tremulously opened the door to our cabin and was astounded at how lovely it was. I got a great deal as it was off-season. In my adult life, I have only had a few short breaks away, all available funds going into IVF and surgeries. The kitchen was bigger than mine back home! My daughter had a great deal of fun exploring! That night, I had the best sleep I have had in years, and actually slept in! We then met our fellow campers. My daughter was asked to play spotlight by an older girl and delivered back to the cabin afterward. It meant a lot as a mum.

She organized her social life with a little friend for the next day, and met up at 9am for putt putt golf. When we went to get supplies from the local supermarket, she found a little tree frog at the doors. She brought it back to the cabin, and lovingly placed it in a box filled with grass. She found the perfect spot to relocate him, brimming with frogs, and went by herself to release her tiny friend.

It is officially Spring here in Australia, and whilst the sun beamed down, the swimming pool was still freezing. Things like that don’t matter to kids and she took the plunge. The women gathered as the kids played, and I found their intuitive, compassionate take on child-rearing and schooling awe-inspiring. They were my tribe, filled with artists, students, dancers and writers. We went on a koala walk, where the kids found buried treasure. The day ended at the fire pit, telling each other stories.

The next day, we tried hula hooping. To my amazement, I could sustain a weighted hoop, once I had been taught to take a step, rather than try to swivel it (impossible with a fused back). One of the new friends I made was a single mum, with a remarkable child and 5 week old puppy. The puppy considered my cane more of a prize than the stick he was offered, and ran off with it! It took some coaxing to get it back. This mum was an astoundingly gifted artist. Mainstream school wasn’t working for her child, so she packed up their life. bought a camper van and car, and hit the road. As her child played with the kids and his puppy, I was privileged to witness a young life restored with the joy it deserved. The cruel taunts of classmates was being replaced with the reinforcement of other’s encouragement. How brave and inspiring was my new friend, to leave her old life and plunge into the unknown? I hope their lives are filled with the peace they deserve.

We played board games in my cabin that evening, the kids overtaking us at Beat the Parents. There was much laughter and irreverence and happiness. I had nowhere to go and had abandoned my to-do list. I had stopped and was living in the moment. I hadn’t realized how stressed I had been. I slept brilliantly when removed from it all. On the way home, we stopped at a wildlife sanctuary. My daughter loved the piglets and gravitated to them at feeding time. She also fed wallabies.

She went on rides and we were hugged by an enormous Drop Bear! To the uninitiated, visitors to Oz are sometimes warned that koala bears drop out of trees and get quite cranky. Of course, it isn’t true!

We could have gone out on the water and seen whales and pods of dolphins, but the days were filled with connecting, walking and resting. We came home ready to continue on, bolstered by the friendships we had made.

30 Day Challenge, Day 30! Anything I want to Write about!

September 2, 2015 raphaela996 Comments

I have a myriad of wondrous things to write about today!

Firstly I want to tell you about Tiny Notes. My daughter and I discovered a pink post-it-note on the window of the train carriage when we sat down. Beautiful people place them around Sydney, and the recipients Instagram the notes upon their discovery. It certainly gave us a lift this morning!

‘I am Jack’ by Susanne Gervay was inspired by her son, who had been bullied at school. It resonated so widely that it was turned into a play by The Monkey Baa Theatre Company. My daughter and I were thrilled and stunned by the performance. It was funny and heart-wrenching. As a parent, it offered a window into life from a child’s perspective. Get along and see it if you can. We had a great talk afterward, about how important it is not to bottle things up, and the need to share your worries.

We found an extraordinary room at the Casula Powerhouse, filled with chandeliers offering an eerie light.

I finished reading ‘Here comes the sun,’ about an Australian band called The Sunnyboys and singer and guitarist Jeremy Oxley’s battle with schizophrenia. He and his wife Mary overcame a great deal and managed to thrive. It is an inspiring love story and study of a talented man regaining his health.

We also saw a koala, frogs and many other animals at Wildlife World. It has been a great few days in my household!

We are going to have a little break away to go camping. We will be staying at a place filled with Koala Bears, parrots and dolphins. I look forward to sharing the experience with you late next week!

30 Day Challenge, Day 23. A Letter to Someone

August 28, 2015August 28, 2015 raphaela997 Comments

(Letter to my Daughter)

My darling little girl,

We have just celebrated your ninth birthday. Where did the time go? I want you to know that there is no need to do anything to make me happy. I love you in your petulant moments, through your anger and tears and also in your joyous times. There is no award or trophy you need to gain to win this love. My darling, this world has already tried to box you in, and label you. We wont let them. You are just as defiant as I, already with a finely-tuned inbuilt detector for nonsense. You are not just “pretty,” “dramatic,” “artistic,” “athletic,” “good at maths.” These are components of what makes you who you are, but my darling, you are not one-dimensional. I pray you never pay mind to anyone that says you are. You came to me perfect, with a grand purpose for your exquisite life. It’s great fun slowly uncovering what that purpose is, watching as your destiny is unfurled through a series of clues. It presents as your interests, the songs and movies you love, the colours and books you adore. It presents in the things you say. Hold onto your sense of self, and take pride in being an individual. Your kind heart and sensitive soul will hold you in good stead. I will love you forever. I knew you long before you were born. I knew you from my dreams. With all my love, Mummy xxx

Matilda and the 9th Birthday

August 25, 2015 raphaela9910 Comments

My daughter and I have been unwell with a respiratory virus. It was the sort that leaves you no option but to crawl into bed. We had five days at home in isolation, which is quite uncommon for us. Of course, daughter regained her strength before me, and when I shuffled out of bed for a drink of water, I encountered a paper-art shop and the creative use of food-stuff!

A friend made cupcakes the day before her birthday, and we went to a beautiful park. The sky was clear and blue and the weather was nudging toward spring temperatures. The day of her birthday, she woke at 4am, which was the time she was born. As she snuggled in my arms, I recalled being given a tiny bundle at that same time, nine years ago. She was a miracle from the outset. I paused to remember all I know who have battled their own private hells with infertility and pregnancy loss.

We walked to a local café, which is owned by a friend. She decorated the table, and gave my child a beautiful gift. How wonderful is it when a grown-up makes a child feel special and important?

Afterward, we hopped on a train and went on an adventure! A traveller from Manchester had found a gig at a stationary store and when he discovered it was her birthday, not only did he dance, but he made a balloon animal for her. I hope Australia decides to keep this young man! We strolled around, meeting many characters. Time got away from us, and I hurried us to the station. We had tickets to Matilda that evening!

As soon as we entered the Lyric Theatre, we found the atmosphere joyous in anticipation. What can I say about Matilda? It was everything you desire in a stage production. It had spunk, it was irreverent, hilarious and heartbreaking. We were in fits of laughter one moment, and the next, had tears. It is a story for every person who has ever felt unsure of their place in the world. Anyone who has ever been subject to ridicule and contempt. It is a story of a daring little girl, who has the power to change the destiny of those around her. The sets, performers, music and lyrics were simply stunning. There are surprises aplenty. I couldn’t think of a better way to spend the evening of my daughter’s ninth birthday. If it is playing anywhere near you- now or in the future- go see it!

Our children need to be exposed to realistic heroes and heroines and to my mind, Matilda is an aspiration. She inspires young and old to listen to the nuances of their heart; to keep telling their stories and sharing their truth. We bought the soundtrack, so we can listen whilst I save up so we can see it again! Happy Birthday, to my daughter. You are one of the funniest, kindest and most creative people I have ever known. May the years ahead be full of wonder. If I had the power, I would create a musical score for your life. No sadness, just high notes, accompanied by harps and flutes. I wish I had that power. I will be accompanying you on your journey, doing all I can to buffer the low times so that there are no sharp edges.

Magnanimity

August 6, 2015August 6, 2015 raphaela9916 Comments

My wonderful friend, Swamiyesudas has just posted a piece about kindness over on his blog, urging everyone to perform an act of kindness each day. Imagine the ripple effect! My child never ceases to amaze me with her understanding of kindness. A few weeks ago, a little friend of hers had to have some medical tests. She was concerned about her friend, and wanted to go along for support. We were just about to leave the house to go meet them when my daughter turned around and ran into her room. She came out with her beloved bulldog, made at a soft-toy party a few years ago. She gave it to her little friend, and the joy exuding from both of them lit up the train carriage as we made our way into the city. Her friend had found a light sabre on their last playdate, and gave it to my daughter to keep. My kid hadn’t forgotten her kindness. It is hard to describe how ecstatic my daughter was when we bumped into her friend at the shops a few days later. There she was, clutching the bulldog. “She loves him!” my daughter exclaimed. “Yes, she certainly does!” I smiled.

Last weekend, I took her into the city. There were hoards of people around as we strolled through Haymarket, and I grabbed a hold of her hand. Suddenly, she paused. She retrieved the pocket-money from her purse and went over to a man sitting on the ground. He had two little dogs next to him, and was strumming The Beatles’ Blackbird on his guitar. She gave him everything in her purse. He looked up and smiled, tears in his eyes. As we continued walking, she said, “mum, I have a tingle all over. Giving feels wonderful doesn’t it?” Yes it does darling, yes it does. A child noticed a homeless man and his little dogs. I hope that he does indeed take his broken wings and learn to fly.

As we walked through Darling Quarter, we came across a table filled with exquisite paper flowers. A lady smiled at my daughter, and handed her one. I took an information card. They were giving away flowers in honour of Esther Day. Esther was sixteen when she died, and her wish was for people to spread love to others. She would be proud of these beautiful people, I am sure. Kindness is given and received, in an endless cycle of magnanimity.

The next day we met a grand elderly lady called Anna at the bus stop. I told her that I had been admiring her colourful way of dressing for the longest while, and had been meaning to tell her. She would board the bus smiling, her slight figure clothed in emerald, sapphire and ruby-red hats and coats. We got into a conversation, and she told us that she volunteered at our local palliative care ward, sitting with loved ones, offering cups of tea and comfort. My little girl was regaled by her stories, and sat with her the whole bus trip, Anna’s arm around her. Kindness goes around in an endless cycle of magnanimity…

To learn more about Esther Day and many other inspiring projects, check out The Deluminators

Bill Crews

July 20, 2015 raphaela993 Comments

My spiritual home is Ashfield Uniting Church, always has and will be. There are times when I don’t know what I believe anymore, and yet I gravitate back to Ashfield. People speak their mind here. It is gritty and real and full of love. The sermon was about celebration, and understanding that there is something to be thankful for every day. It may a rainbow appearing overhead or the breath in your lungs. At morning tea, Bill put on an Australian Story from 16 years ago. He stood to the side of the hall as the matriarchs of the church appeared on-screen. He watched as Speakers Corner in The Domain (a lively corner of Sydney in the 60’s),sprang to life. Pictures of him as a young engineer were presented. Here he was, in his 20’s, minding his own business, when he had an epiphany. He left it all behind to live and work in The Cross. I had tears. I remembered watching the show all those years ago, and deciding that I needed to go to this church, to meet him.

He also showed us a 7.30 Report segment on the literacy program. I can’t adequately describe how it felt to watch children who had been discounted and neglected by our educational system come back to life. They were beaming, their shoulders back and heads held high at their graduation ceremonies. This program has changed their lives and futures. It is being extended to Liverpool in the near future. Bill was there when I went into premature labour with my daughter at twenty weeks. He sat by my bedside and celebrated when the rupture in my waters sealed and the contractions stopped. He was among the first in the maternity ward when she arrived safely at 36 weeks. He held her and prayed over her.

Here, they do real. They argue and get cranky, and cry and laugh. Your life can be in ruins and you can be dishevelled and you will still be loved. That makes it a rare and special place. To donate or find out more, head to Bill Crews’ website.

Abba, Lolo Lovina, Red Wine and Rainbows

June 28, 2015 raphaela997 Comments

The week that was…

My daughter played Titania in a Midsummer Nights Dream. She loved the experience and wants to do more acting! I was very proud of her.

I took my daughter to see Inside Out, a spectacular film, which addresses depression. It illustrates how a young person can break down and also be rebuilt. Afterward, we had a few chores to see to. As I walked through the shopping centre, I started to stumble. I had an horrific pain through my left foot, shooting up my leg and into my spine. This was annoying, as I usually have that sort of pain on my right side. There I was, holding onto a trolley, my daughter gently guiding both it and I. I met a friend, who saw that I was in agony. She had just been to the post office to pick up a box filled with wine from the Margaret River region. She handed me a bottle of red, of which I am immensely grateful. I managed to get home, poured myself a glass and lay down. New symptoms added to the mix shake things up. At least its a change to the pathways of pain!

11650654_985275598172952_392033220_n — Should I get a device that turns zucchini into spaghetti? Hang on, I have one but have never used it!

We went on a cruise around Sydney Harbor Friday night. My daughter loves Abba, and was delighted with the tribute band.

Here is an excellent article on the machinations of PTSD. I found myself nodding in agreement throughout.

Saturday night, we went to Marrickville Town hall, to a Masquerade Balkan Beats Ball. The divine Rroma Gypsy fusion band, Lolo Lovina got us all up dancing.

My daughter went for it on the dance floor, enthralled with the frantic beat and unencumbered joy. When life is rough and you are tired and in pain, my suggestion is get yourself along to a festival. Go for a walk. Shake up your world.

We saw a lot of rainbows on the internet, and it filled me with joy! Things can change and advance, yay!

Baby Guinea Pigs

June 14, 2015 raphaela994 Comments

I had to share these pictures. Guinea Pigs are a wonderful pet to have. They are affectionate, clever and eat the same things as their vegetarian humans!

Dogs in Rehab

June 11, 2015 raphaela996 Comments

I have a dear friend who is going through a tough time at the moment. She is grounded and practical, so the exact opposite of me. We have the weirdest conversations. She approaches our communications with a clear mind, whereas my brain throws out abject thoughts and completely unrelated ideas. Below are examples.

“When the***** family lived next door, they were a nightmare! They had older kids who were always getting into trouble. The husband used to come over and criticize us. At least our dogs were well-behaved, as well as our kids. Theirs are probably in rehab by now,” she said. “What?! Their pets are in rehab?!” I half-exclaimed and half-questioned. I was astounded. I didn’t know dogs could go to rehab! I imagined a shrink and a clinic specifically for wayward pets. She was laughing so hard that she had to pull over. “The kids, silly!”

There was also the time that we were driving through our semi-rural town, and I caught sight of what I believed was a two-headed cow. “Holy Batman! That cow has two heads!” I exclaimed. “I bet it’s environmental. What is going on in the world?!” Once again, she was in hysterics as she explained that the cows were head-to-head, giving the illusion of a malformation.